I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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