Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
