so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
