my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
