weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
