You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
