4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize