Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
please come you make the beer taste better
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
