apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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