goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
