It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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