ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
