Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
