when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
