be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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