Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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