I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Come share oat with me in your robe
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