All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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