this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
