the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize