I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
