I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
