I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
