the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
