Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
did i walk over a car last night?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
