You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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