Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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