I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
