Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
