On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
