2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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