so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
operation harelip BJ is a go
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
