it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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