Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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