We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize