if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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