He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
