I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
