ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
