I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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