I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
