Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize
