I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How's work?
Spinning.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
