i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
