she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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