i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
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