you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
