Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just gargled with NyQuil
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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