That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
