is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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