And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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