shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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