his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
