I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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