nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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