His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
