I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
