So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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