So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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