I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
