i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
