Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
