Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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