Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
