I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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