Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
