I heard we made out
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
