3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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