I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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