youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i love accidental penises.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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