I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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