I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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