No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
